~♥♥ emma's chapter of lyf ♥♥~

The Crazy Ah Beng


Why did Kok Beng go to a movie with his 18 friends?
Because below 18 not allowed !

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Kok Beng wants to buy a TV set. He goes to a shop.
Kok Beng : "Do you have color TV ?"
Salesgirl : "Yes !"
Kok Beng : "Give me a green one, please."

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Kok Beng is filling up an application form for a job. He supplied the information for the columns on Name, Age, Address etc. Then he comes to column on "Salary Expected", but he is not sure of the question. After much thought, he writes "Yes"

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Kok Beng goes to a store and sees a shiny object.
Kok Beng : "What is that shiny object ?"
Salesgirl : "That is a thermos flask."
Kok Beng : "What does it do ?"
Salesgirl : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Kok Beng : "I'll buy it"

The next day, Kok Beng goes to work with his thermos flask

Boss : "What is that shiny object ?"
Kok Beng : "It's a thermos flask."
Boss : "What does it do ?"
Kok Beng : "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold"
Boss : "What do you have in it !?"
Kok Beng : "Two cups of coffee and one cup of ice cream"

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After taking photocopies of documents, Kok Beng always compares it with the original for spelling mistakes.

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Kok Beng always smiles during lightning storms because he thinks his picture is being taken.

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Why can't Kok Beng dial 911?
Because he can't find the number 11 (eleven) on the phone.

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Kok Beng had just bought a new computer and was using it. When he encountered some problems. He decide to use the 'Help' command after some tries. Soon after, he became very irritated and called the computer retailer for support.

Kok Beng : "I press the 'F1' key for help lah, but it's been over half an hour and still nobody come and help me ?!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kok Beng with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, "I was ironing a shirt and the phone ring - but instead of picking up the phone, I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear"
"Oh dear !" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief.
"But ...... what happened to the other ear ?"
Kok Beng answered : "That stupid dumbo called back !!!!"

------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kok Beng talk to a long-distance telephone operator.
Kok Beng: "COULD YOU PLEASE
TELL ME THE TIME DIFFERENCE BETWEEN
Taipei AND LAS VEGAS ?" Operator: "JUST A MINUTE..."
Kok Beng : "THANK YOU " AND PUTS DOWN THE PHONE."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

After completing a jigsaw puzzle he'd been working on for quite sometime, Kok Beng proudly shows off the finished puzzle to a friend.
"It took me ONLY 5 MONTHS TO DO IT", Kok Beng brags.
"FIVE MONTHS? THAT'S TOO LONG", the friend exclaims.
"YOU ARE A FOOL." Kok Beng replies, "SEE THIS BOX, IT IS WRITTEN FOR 4-7 YRS."

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At a bar in New York , the man to Kok Beng's left tells the bartender, "JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE" and his companion says, "JACK DANIELS, SINGLE".
The bartender approaches Kok Beng and asks, "AND YOU, SIR ?"
Kok Beng replies : "Tan Kok Beng, MARRIED"


lots of luff,

Peristiwa malang

Imam melintasi tiong dalam sangkar

Burung Tiong: Ka masjid kita Pa Imam?

Imam: Au Tiong

Burung Tiong: Merah jua seluar dalam kita

Imam: camana kau tau?

Burung Tiung: ada lee

Imam: (diam dan segera beredar)

Esok.........Imam melintas lagi di depan tiong

Burung Tiong: Ka masjid kita Pa Imam?

Imam: Au Tiong

Burung Tiung: kuning tia seluar dalam kita

Imam: camana kau tau?

Burung Tiung: ada lee

Imam: (diam dan segera beredar dengan perasaan geram)

keesokannya Imam melintas lagi.....

Burung Tiong: gagas jua kita Pa Imam?

Imam: apa kau paduli

Burung Tiong: atu pun marah...nda penyabar jua kita ani Imam saja

Imam: diam kau

Tiong: kah! kah! kah! nda pakai seluar dalam kah? style baru ni

Imam: ( dalam keadaan marah Imam terus mencukur Tiong sampai habis bulunya)

Keesokannya Imam melintas di situ lagi seperti biasa

Burung Tiong: pssttt! pssst!

Imam: (imam menoleh) apa lagi?...

Burung Tiong: kah! kah! kah! nda pemalu kita ah meliat burung telanjang! karang pitutan!


lots of luff

PENGEMBALA KAMBING YANG SANGAL DAN BANGANG

Temubual seorang pemuda dengan pakcik gembala
biri-biri.

Pemuda : Baguslah ternakan biri-biri pakcik. Boleh
saya tanya beberapa soalan tak?

Pakcik : Boleh aje...

Pemuda : Berapa jauh biri-biri ni berjalan setiap
hari?

Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?"

Pemuda : Yang putih.

Pakcik : Kalau yang putih berjalan lebih kurang enam
kilometer setiap hari.

Pemuda : Yang hitam?

Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama...

Pemuda : Berapa banyak plak rumput biri-biri ni makan
setiap hari?

Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?

Pemuda : Yang putih?

Pakcik : Ah, yang putih makan lebih kurang empat kilo
rumput setiap hari.

Pemuda : Dan yang hitam?

Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama...

Pemuda : Berapa banyak bulu yang mereka hasilkan
setiap tahun?

Pakcik : Yang mana, yang putih atau yang hitam?

Pemuda : Yang putih?

Pakcik : Aaa...yang putih menghasilkan sekitar enam
kilo bulu setiap tahun.

Pemuda : Dan yang hitam?

Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama...

Pemuda : Kenapa pakcik membezakan biri-biri pakcik yg
putih dgn yg hitam, padahal jawapan semuanya sama aje?

Pakcik : Mestilah...sebab biri-biri yang putih itu
pakcik yang punya.

Pemuda : Ooo, gitu ke...abis tu yang hitam tu sapa
punya?

Pakcik : Yang hitam pun sama....


**HAHAHAHA..APA KE BENDA NEH???..SANGAL BANAA..MENALOOR MENJAWAB TU EH**

lots of luff,

uwaaa!!!windu eee...SMR..SMR!! *sob sob!*my last TP on 16th May, 2009 (Sat)..d day my sis's birthday..gonaa mish u all teachers and students..dun forget abt me yeaa..hmm..this is the only memory dat i haf with u people..nda laa tau bila lagi tani kan bjumpa..jumpa pun tagur2 ee..nda tah kira tu either long distance or short..n f u people ada annual dinner or something..dun forget to invite us yeaa..ehehe..anyway those are our pics during our farewell...u may copy from ere..thanx yeaa y'all..mwahz!!

~from left -cikgu Hida, cikgu Hawati *f m not mistaken..hehe..sorry cikgu*, cikgu Susanty, cikgu Indra *fyi f u people want to order cake..u may order it from her..maju bisnis..hehe*, emma (me), sis Haya, cikgu Jeedah, cikgu Tini...1st row- cikgu Dk Tini,.. cikgu..err..nt sure her name..*sorry* and cikgu Erni ..anyway..i tagged u people through fb tue~

~cikgu Erni and me~

~cikgu..err...dunno her name *sorry*, sis Haya, yuniza & sis Jubai~

~cikgu Sally..eseehh..anggun ee..kata cikgu Saiful ..mcm orang kaja dKastam dh ne..hehe..windu ku kan kita menyanyi aa..masih menyanyi ka?..baa teruskan lagi..mana tau kna jemput pat org kawin ka apa..famous jwa..mun ada profit..jgn lupa aa..20%..hehe~

~me and dyana..*sowy lampau ampir baa..cnatah jwa..gambar sendiri2 ne baa..kweng3 p jgn silap masih melecun..apadeehhh~

~cikgu Jeedah dengan pinggannya plus cikgu Tini...mun boleh ia ketawa masa ne..control cikgu Tini..krg kena tagur oleh cdia..ehehe..sapa tu aa~

~bro Zamin and cikgu Saiful -mereka ini manager perkhidmatan bouncer..jika sesiapa mau mengorder bouncer..sila contact mereka melalui saya..hehe*kata cikgu Saiful plg tu kaja bouncer aa..hehe..jangan mare~

~4E students..dengan aksi mereka~

~awg dhiyaulhaq aka taufiq..*antah lurus ka jwa ejaannya tu*~

~bertuah2 durg ne..mun bab pasal gambar ukan men baa~

~1...2....3....click..~

~m not sure wat kind of game is dat*yang ada datas meja tu*~

.....

~1st row- sis Jubay, Maulidatul, Irda, Deezah, sis Jah Haya and 2nd row -yuniza, othmaliana and me~

~Zulfadli, bro Zamin, Yuniza and me~

**Thanx for everything yeaa..honestly..i haf lots of thing that i learn from u people..I learned from a small tiny thing till I can make myself understand and discover how to get the best one and no matter how hard u give me knowledge even it looks simple apparently it's not but still u manage to do so and I believe that every right implies a responsibility; every opportunity an obligation; every possession, a duty..and good luck to u all..do something that comes from ur heart..cheerss..**

lots of luff,

MUTHU & THE INTERVIEWER*

Interviewer: 'What is your birth date?'
Muthu : '13th October.'
Interviewer : 'Which year?'
Muthu : 'Every year.'
*****

*MUTHU & HIS MANAGER*

The Manager asked Muthu at an interview.....
'Can you spell a word that has more than 100 letters in it?'
Muthu replied: 'P-O-S-T-B-O-X.'
*****


*MUTHU & LONDON TRIP*
After returning from a foreign trip, Muthu asked his wife, 'Do I look like a foreigner?'
Wife: 'No! Why?'
Muthu : 'In London , a lady asked me, 'Are you a foreigner?
'... that's why.'
Wife : ?????????
*****

*MUTHU & TOURIST*
A tourist from U.S.A. asked Muthu whether any great man was born in his village...
Muthu said, 'No sir, only babies were born here.'
*****

*MUTHU & HIS EXPERIMENT*
Muthu was doing an experiment with a cockroach. First he cut off one leg and told it to 'WALK! WALK!'
The cockroach walked. Then he cut off it's second leg and told the same. The cockroach walked.
Then he cut off the third leg and did the same.
Finally, he cut off its fourth leg and ordered it walk!
But the cockroach didn't walk.
Suddenly, Muthu said loudly, 'I found it. If we cut a cockroach's four legs, it becomes deaf.'
*****

*MUTHU & DRIVER*
When Muthu was travelling with his wife in a motorised tricycle, thedriver adjusted the mirror.
Muthu shouted, 'You are trying to see my wife, eh? Sit in the back.
I will drive.'
*****

*MUTHU GOES TO HOTEL*
Muthu went into a hotel. To wash his hands, he went to the washbasin.
Then when he had finished, he started washing the basin.
Seeing this, the manager asked what was he doing.
Muthu pointed towards the signboard

'* WASH BASIN * '
*****

*MUTHU & INTERVIEWER - FINAL PART*
Interviewer : 'Just imagine you're in the 20th floor of a building and it's on fire. How will you escape?'
Muthu: 'It's simple.. I will just stop my imagination.'
*****

*Oh... Lest I forget ............. the funniest...*

At a political rally, Muthu was arrested. Why????????????
Because a lady journalist with a badge which read '*PRESS*' pinned on the right part of her blouse walked past him... and he did it!


lots of luff,

Alahai Mak Cik........
Suatu hari..seorang Makcik menyewakan salah satu biliknya untuk seorang pemuda penyelidik nak buat kajian kat kampungnyer..
Penyelidik yang dah bersetuju tu pun menyewa la..
Malam tu..
Time penyelidik tu nak mandi..maklum ler bilik air kampung..
Dah tu dia tu..hensem lagi..muda lagi..
Makcik tu pun "semacam" ler...dia pun nak pi ngendap si anak muda nie mandi....
Makcik nie kantoi sekali..oleh pemuda tu..
Kali keduanya pun kantoi..nak ngendap nie....
Kali ketiganya..pemuda tu naik bengang dan bagi warning..
" Kalau makcik ngendap saya sekali lagi...saya rogol makcik!!!"
Kemudian..makcik tu keluarkan jari kelingking dan berkata..

" JANJI TAU..!!"..


================

Burung Spesel

Pada suatu hari sorang suami baru pulang dari Brazil , membawa burung kakak tua yang sangatlah spesel..
Si isteri bertanya..pada si suami...
" Abang..buat aper beli burung tu..?! Kan mahal tu..!"
Suami menjawab..
" Ala takper..burung ni spesel..tengok nie.."
Suaminya mengangkat tangan kanan dan memetik jarinya.....burung itu terus menyanyi lagu POP..
Si isteri sangat suka..dan menyuruh suaminya mengangkat tangan kiri plak..
Si suami..berbuat demikian dan memetik jarinya. dan burung itu terus menyanyi lagu ROCK pula..
Si isteri pun suka dan bertanya..
" Abang, kalau kita angkat kedua-dua tangan plak camner..?"
Suaminya menjawab.." Awak cuba la buat.."
Si isteri mengangkat kedua2 tangannya dan memetik jarinya..lalu..burung itu pun berkata...

" SATU SATU LAH, BODOH..!!! "

==================

mengandung anak gajah??????

Seorang lelaki yang badannya gendut naik kereta api. Penumpang sangat penuh maka lelaki itu
terpaksa berdiri. Dia merasa ada yang menyenggolnya lalu lelaki itupun melihat kebelakang. Ada seorang ibu hamil yang juga sedang berdiri. Melihat wanita hamil itu maka lelaki bertanya pada wanita itu :

Lelaki: Hi... kak ak hamil ya ?
Ibu hamil : Iya udah tahu tanya lagi (kata wanita dengan nada kesal)

Lelaki: Isinya orang ya, kak ?
Ibu hamil : Iya (dengan nada kesal lalu bertanya)Encik hamil juga ya?

Lelaki: Iya (Sambil ketawa)
Ibu hamil : (Karena merasa jawaban lelaki itu tidak sopan dia melanjutkan pertanyaannya) Isinya orang ya?

Lelaki: Bukan, isinya anak gajah (sambil ketawa lagi).
Ibu hamil : (terkejut, lalu ketawa)

Lelaki: Laa... kenapa ketawa? (dengan bingungnya)
Ibu hamil : Oh isinya anak gajah, ya... patutlah belalainya keluar( sambil menunjuk seluar lelaki
yang lupa dikancing)

Lelaki:???????????

=============

Skandal Doktor

Seorang lelaki yang kebetulan seorang doktor muda, merasa tidak selesa dengan apa yang telah berlaku.
Ia pulang ke rumah dengan wajah muram.
Setibanya di rumah, ia merebahkan diri di katil dan fikirannya mula melayang
Lalu ia mendengar suara dalam kepalanya berkata,
"Sudahlah, tidak usah difikirkan. Skandal doktor membuat hubungan intim dengan pesakit terjadi di mana-mana.
Jadi kamu tidak perlu merasa bimbang."
Doktor tersebut cuba untuk setuju, tapi apa yang telah terjadi pagi itu terbayang kembali dan perasaan tidak selesa muncul lagi.
Ia membalikkan badan dan mendengar lagi suara dalam kepalanya,
Tak perlu bimbang,orang sudah mula biasa dengan skandal hubungan seksual antara doktor dan pesakitnya."
Lelaki itu mulai tenang dan perasaannya beransur-ansur pulih...
Tiba-tiba suara lain dalam kepalanya berkata,
"Tapi masalahnya kamu kan doktor haiwan"


lots of luff,